We are getting delivery Friday of the exact washer and dryer pictured below!! The happy people alongside are not included, thank god. And just what are they looking at, anyway? Givin’ me the creeps here.

The washer and dryer are made by the company LG. Same as my cell phone. It’s a….German? Swiss? Leutonian? [insert name of your own personal favorite basic European country HERE?] company. The way these 2 are smiling , maybe it’s the same firm that’s responsible for Mentos. Yeesh!
Update: D’oh! The hub tells me that LG is actually a Korean company.

These *are* incredibly competent, incredibly sexy appliances. Stainless steel interiors! Digital controls! Nine wash cycles! Five dry cycles! I quiver with vaguely erotic anticipation;… can’t wait until Friday.

I’m getting shpilkes and I’m not even Jewish –In spirit maybe, but in body, sadly just yer bland-as-rommegrot Norsk. Maybe shpilkes isn’t even the right word, but I just love saying: shpilkes! Whatever; I’m just all tingley inside over the prospect of using these amazing machines.

Just imagining:

No more dryer noises that sound like a rhinoceros getting violently ill on a merry-go-round!

No more placing 500lb weights on the washer to keep it from doing the Time Warp halfway across the basement floor during every spin cycle!

Let joy be unbounded; let bliss be unrestrained. Woo hoo!

Posted: April 27th, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

Since little Bobby Zimmerman from Hibbing has recently morphed into the ghastly little pruney humunculus from Victoria’s Secret commercials, I’m now officially throwing my allegiance to Fagen & Becker of Steely Dan fame as my new Best Songwriters Ever!

So, as I’m immersing myself in every Steely Dan CD I ever burned, I’m feeling distinctly like Miss Emily Litella as I listen to some songs. Take “Gaucho” [again] for example. Listen to these lyrics:

Bodacious cowboys such as your friend
Will never be welcome here
High in the Custerdome

……Whaaaat? Custard home? What’s all this fuss I keep hearing about Custard homes? Homes for custards? What about pudding? Pudding is a perfectly tasty nutritious dessert; doesn’t pudding deserve a home too? …And what about tapioca? If there are homes for custards and puddings, why not for tapioca?!

What’s that? Custerdome? What’s a Custerdome?

Lots of people have apparently been asking these things about Steely Dan lyrics over the years. That’s why they can go here for a Steely Dan dictionary of all those arcane references to people places and things in Steely Dan songs. Like Doctor Wu. Ever wonder who Donald Fagen is talking to when he’s singing

Are you with me Doctor Wu
Are you really just a shadow
Of the man that I once knew
Are you crazy are you high
Or just an ordinary guy
Have you done all you can do
Are you with me Doctor

Any major dude or Steely Dan Dictionary will tell you.

But what about those made-up words and phrases Becker and Fagen have been notorious for? Like “Custerdome”?

There’s a nifty site called Fever Dreams that will answer your every feverish question.

And then! More amazement!

I find that this tremendous blog called bloggg has linked to my post about Dylan from a day or two back!

I’m just so honored, because this bloggg is really a great blog. And guess who the patron saint of bloggg is? Emily Litella!

Woo! I really must go lie down now; I’m experiencing just a slight overload of synchronicity.. Is this cool or what?!

Posted: April 27th, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

Let me put it this way, a la Steely Dan’s “Gaucho” :

Just when I say
“Boy we can’t miss
You are golden”
Then you do this.

Looks like I’m gonna have to reconsider that “best songwriter ever” title I gave you. Your bad judgment in entering into certain commercial business ventures influences my opinion here, Jokerman.

Come to think of it, I love all the songs Fagen & Becker did for Steely Dan, maybe I’ll transfer the title to them; I dunno.

But, between the Victoria’s Secret commercial and MASKED AND ANONYMOUS, Bobby, I have to tell you that lately:

It ain’t you, babe
No no no
It ain’t you, babe
It ain’t you I’m lookin’ for, babe

Posted: April 23rd, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

THE ENTIRE SILMARILLION OF J. R. R. TOLKIEN IN ONE THOUSAND WORDS.

AINULINDALE:

ILUVATAR: Ahem.
AINUR: Wow! Existence!
ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!
AINUR: LA LA LA!
ILUVATAR: LA LA!
AINUR: LA LA!
MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!
AINUR: Um. . . la?
ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!
MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!
ILUVATAR: LA, dammit.
MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: Right, you’re out of the band.
MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for?
AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy!
ILUVATAR: Yeesh.

VALAQUENTA:

MANWE: I’m in charge!
VARDA: I’m Manwe’s spouse. And the queen of the stars!
NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.
VAIRE: I’m Namo’s spouse. I weave things.
IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.
ESTE: I’m Irmo’s spouse. I take care of the gardens.
YAVANNA: I make things grow.
NIENNA: I’m sad.
ULMO: I live in the ocean.
AULE: I’m Yavanna’s spouse. I’ve got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.
NESSA: I dance.
OROME: I hunt!
VANA: I’m Orome’s spouse. I make living things happy.
TULKAS: I’m strong. I’m Nessa’s spouse. I got here last.
MELKOR: I’m bad, momma, I’m ONE BAD MUTHA-
TULKAS: Grar.
MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.

QUENTA SILMARILLION:

VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone!
MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps*
VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west*
MELKOR: Hu hu hu.
VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees!
YAVANNA: Yep! Aren’t they pretty?
MELKOR: Want shiny.
VALAR: Nope.
MELKOR: Why not?
VALAR: Because you’re a jerk.
ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny!
MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock.
ELVES: AUGH!
UNGOLIANT: Want shiny.
MELKOR: Let’s go get shiny.
FEANOR: I’ve made more shiny!
VALAR: Good, ‘cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours?
FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!
VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&)!(&.
MELKOR: Got the shinies!
UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny!
MELKOR: You can’t have ‘em.
UNGOLIANT: Grar.
MELKOR: Eeek! *runs away*
FEANOR AND SONS: We’re gettin’ our shinies back. And YOU CAN’T HAVE ‘EM, Valar!
MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you’re not. *stabbity fiery burny death*
BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!
THINGOL: You can have her if you … BRING ME A SHINY!
BEREN: Worth a shot.
LUTHIEN: La la la
MORGOTH: Ooo baby… *zzz*
BEREN: Got your shiny!
MORGOTH: you BASTARD! I stole those fair and square!
CARCHAROTH: Grar.
BEREN: Ow!
THINGOL: Got the shiny?
BEREN: ’s in my hand.
THINGOL: And?
BEREN: Hand’s not here.
THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny.
CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!!
BEREN: *dies*
LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la.
MANDOS: … oh all right.
LUTHIEN: *returns to life*
BEREN: *returns to life*
LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny!
FEANOR’S SONS: *mutter*
LUTHIEN: *dies again*
BEREN: *dies again*
DIOR: Look! It’s Mom’s shiny!
FEANOR’S SONS: WANT SHINY!
DIOR: *dies*
ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs*
FEANOR’S SONS: !*&(!)&)*!.
EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar!
VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp*
EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!
MORGOTH: Eek!
VALAR: Got your shinies!
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies!
VALAR: Oh *!&(!&).
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies!
MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm*
MAGLOR: Um… not really looking forward to meeting Dad again… *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*
VALAR: Well… um… okay.

AKALLABETH:

VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!
EDAIN: Cool!
VALAR: Don’t come looking for us.
EDAIN: Okay.
ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!
NUMENOREANS: Neat! Oh hey, Middle-Earth!
GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.
NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What’s going on?
GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!
NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Camwyn

Praise her with great praise!

Posted: April 22nd, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

Just got a call from TTU1 himself ….He had a great time locked in his Intro To Computer Science class all morning while this was going on.

In his classroom, they spent the 2 hours playing Flash games and surfing. TTU1 himself discovered a link to the news story on FARK, and through that they found out what was going on outside.

He said the reaction of the teachers and staff was fast and sure; no hesitations. Teachers were running down the halls and into classrooms shouting “We’re in Lockdown!” and locking the classroom doors, all within 2 or 3 minutes of the initial call at 7:52 this morning.

After Columbine 5 years [and 2 days!] ago, local news articles listed some local high schools with the same characteristics: big; suburban; fairly affluent; too many Type A, hyper-ambitious parents clueless about what their kids are doing; and too many kids with an obscene amount of money, access, and mobility. Guess which high school made that list? Those comparisons were not lost on the school district, so they made a contingency plan, and then obviously ran drills to make sure they could implement it.

[Huge sigh of relief]

Posted: April 22nd, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

He Who Gets Slapped

She Wore A Yellow Ribbon

We’re Not Married

You Can’t Take It With You

You’ll Never Get Rich

They Were Expendable

They Came To Cordura

They Died With Their Boots On

They All Laughed

They Drive By Night

They Live!

Posted: April 19th, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

Jeez, you’d think by reading my first list that I stopped going to movies in 1960 instead of starting about then. Herewith, some more commanding movie titles, most a little more contemporary than the first batch:

Go

Go Fish

Go Tell The Spartans

Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here

Kiss and Tell

Take the Money and Run

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Catch Me If You Can

Kill Bill

Kill Me Again

Call Me Madam

Call Northside 777

Drive

Do the Right Thing

Never Give a Sucker An Even Break

Talk To Her [Christ, how could I forget Almodóvar?]

Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! [Christ, how could I forget Almodóvar? part deux]

Well, that does it; I’m limp as a dishrag after all that.
But I’m sure more are out there….

Posted: April 19th, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

Doing the Tolstoy To-Do list the other day got me into an imperative movie title jag….

You know — imperative.

Once I got started it was hard to stop. Here’s the results, in the order I thought of them. It’s a veritable To-Do List of film titles. Anybody have any more? Send ‘em in!

Remember the Titans

Ride the High Country

Love Me or Leave Me

Cry Havoc!

Cry, the Beloved Country

Cry For Happy

Come Back, Little Sheba

Come Back To the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean

Meet Me In St. Louis

Pray For the Wildcats

Bite The Bullet

Kiss Me Kate

Kiss Me Deadly

Kiss Me Stupid

Kiss The Blood Off My Hands

Go West

Go For Broke!

Hang ‘Em High

Carve Her Name With Pride

Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia

Hit The Deck

Follow The Fleet

Strike Up The Band

Posted: April 18th, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

Over at TTLB, the usually superb NZ is beside himself with glee at coming up with the admittedly nifty new word “Frankenfreude”.
And he gets a couple things wrong in the process. First, he puts the emPHASis on the inCORRect sylLABle: it’s not “Fran-KEN-froy-duh” it’s “FRAN-ken-froy-duh”. ….Duh! Then he makes up a new word: “salicious”. I posted a comment about this today, but the thread’s so cold now he’ll never read it. So, strictly for my own satisfaction, here is what I said:

Dear NZ:

Umm, not to sound too Googly, but when you said “salicious” did you mean “salacious”?
I don’t believe “salicious” is a word, but maybe you were just so pleased with yourself over “Frankenfreude” you got giddy and thought you’d make up another one. Thanks to YourDictionary.net we learn:

The adjective “salacious” has 2 senses.
1. lubricious, lustful, prurient, salacious — characterized by lust;
2. lewd, obscene, salacious — suggestive of or tending to moral looseness;

Yep, sounds like “salacious” is what you were going for.

Here’s a new word I made up just for you, NZ:

“obtursine” = being obtuse and bearlike at the same time.

Posted: April 18th, 2004 under General.
Comments: none

I am obsessed with Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day cleaning products. Lavender. My heaven would smell like this.

Posted: April 17th, 2004 under General.
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