Whenever I’m about to give up all hope in any constructive benefit of organized religion, retired Episcopalian Bishop and iconoclast John Shelby Spong weighs in on something, and the blast of his cool calm rationality pushes me back from the brink. Here, in one of his weekly Q&A emails, he addresses Intelligent Design:

Marion from Kansas writes:
“In my state the Board of Education threw out the teaching of evolution a few years ago. Upon election of moderate members, the Board brought it back again. Now conservatives are in the majority again and the whole issue of universe origin is being debated again. This time the issue of “intelligent design” is being brought in as needing to be taught. Is this just another way of bringing in conservative belief about instant creation?”

Dear Marion,

On one level it really doesn’t matter what the Kansas Board of Education thinks, evolution is real and is not subject to majority vote any more than whether epilepsy is caused by demon possession. Yet it is embarrassing to live in a state where public ignorance can force people to deny reality. It will also ill-equip the children of Kansas to live in the modern world. Already American school children are far behind Asians in the field of science. The pursuit of knowledge should never be compromised to protect religious sensitivities. That is where religious tyranny begins.
Intelligent Design is just one more smoke screen. The task of geologists and anthropologists is to study the sources of the life of this world. They should be free to follow wherever their scientific research carries them. If Christianity is threatened by truth, it is already too late to save it. Imagine worshiping a God so weak and incompetent that the Kansas School Board must defend this God from science and new learning. It is pitiful.

The challenge of Darwinian thinking to traditional Christianity is deep and profound. That means that Christianity’s survival depends on its being big enough to embrace a post-Darwinian world. If we cannot then Christianity will surely die. I do not believe that is the fate toward which Christianity is headed unless it becomes that petty, small-minded enterprise that must hide in ignorance and fear lest it be destroyed.

I hope you and others will resist these tactics at the ballot box. If that fails then you have to assess whether or not you want your children to grow up in the environment that Kansas is creating. If not, you might consider moving. I for one hope you will stay and fight for ignorance will not prevail forever, even in Kansas.

Once again we see that if, as Calvin and Hobbes have told us, Scientific Progress Goes “Boink” then surely Progressive Christianity Goes “Spong”.

image from OMF

Posted: September 30th, 2005 under General.
Comments: none

Breast Cancer Risk Higher for Left-handed Women

Researchers at the University Medical Center in Utrecht in the Netherlands speculate that there is a shared origin early in life for both left handedness and developing breast cancer, possibly exposure to hormones in the womb.

“Left handedness is associated with breast cancer, most specifically pre-menopausal breast cancer,” said Cuno Uiterwaal, an assistant professor of clinical epidemiology at the university, in an interview.

WTF? Maybe I’m just a left-handed woman whistling past the graveyard, but I need to see a lot more evidence that there’s a real correlation here before I buy it. Right now I put these findings roughly on the same level with the Less Pirates = More Global Warming theory [may the FSM forgive my heresy].

Okay, but say that this all turns out to be true. Most likely it won’t affect me; I’m already postmenopausal, so I dodged that bullet. Why does that thought give me little comfort?

Whatever. It probably means I won’t be able to give up my semi-annual, delightful pressing engagement with the friendly neighborhood mammographer anytime soon.
["Pressing engagement"! Ha ha! Mammogram humor! Whoo, that's a good one!]

And now, the obligatory recitation of the greatest poem ever written about mammograms. Come on, you know what comes next: It’s also the only poem ever written about mammograms! Hooray!

The Boob Poem

aka “Ode To a Mammogram”

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
“O.K.” I said, ‘let’s do it.”

“Stand up here real close” she said,
(She got my boob in line),
“And tell me when it hurts,” she said,
“Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter’s in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it’s vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

“Take a deep breath” she said to me,
Who does she think she’s kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

“There, that’s good,” I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
“Now, let’s have a go at the other one.”
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone “ker-pow!”

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I’d like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!

Author Unknown

At the end of this classic it invariably will say “Author Unknown”. Chah, right — and you can be sure the woman who wrote it wants it to stay that way, too.

* sinister = [Middle English sinistre, unfavorable, from Old French, from Latin sinister, on the left, unlucky.]

Posted: September 27th, 2005 under General.
Comments: none

Flying Spaghetti Monster Car Plaque, available soon from Ring of Fire Enterprises.

Drive proud, Pastafarians!

Posted: September 25th, 2005 under General.
Comments: none

Just typing the word “Surf” makes me think of the Silver Surfer, and that brings to mind those long gone yesterdays, now shrouded in the mists of time, when I would walk one short block from my apt on 32nd & Girard to Hennepin Avenue, and buy my regular allotment of Defenders, Inhumans, and Doctor Strange comics from Curt Almsted at Comic City. If you clicked on the Silver Surfer link above, yes that is Elayne’s ever-lovin’ Robin doing the masterful inks. Go take a look.

****

Digby is always brilliant. Better writing cannot be found anywhere, in print or on any of the Internets. Sometimes that brilliance manifests itself in his willingness to spotlight important posts by other writers, and so we can thank Digby for The Noose Around the Hydra, which brings to light Franklin Foer’s truly frightening NRO story about College Republicans. Yikes. And yet, I’m really not surprised. Are you?

****

Meanwhile over at the Power Liberal, our intrepid MN Observer alerts us to a Yellow Jello Attacks warning issued by those Patriotic Protectresses of Proprietude, the CWA, while noting that nowhere in said alert is it made clear just what the heck “Yellow Jello” is supposed to be. Since it’s us leftie libruls who are supposedly launching said attacks in opposition to the confirmation of John Roberts — and that’s certainly a worthy cause — I wondered what the agitprop for such an attack would look like.

Hmmmm [she said, cupping her chin with her hand in a pensive sort of way] maybe that agitprop would look something like this:

Further searching unearthed very few references to “Yellow Jello”, but I think it’s safe to say the phrase probably had its origins with some rightie guy who styles himself The Great Santini, and who posted the following song parody in the comments at famed wingnut laff riot site Scrappleface:

♪ ♪ ♪ YELLOW JELLO™ ♪ ♪ ♪

[Tune: "Mellow Yellow", music and lyrics by Donovan Leitch; performed by Donovan]

[Verse]
Wa-Po’s mad about ChiComs
ChiComs are heroes to libs
Merged into one toxic hype-bomb,
They ply their propaganda and fibs

[Refrain]
They’re makin’ Yellow Jelloâ„¢
(Quite lefty, quite lefty, quite lefty)
The Wa-Po Daily bellow
(Quite lefty, quite lefty, quite lefty)
A marriage made in hell-o

[Verse]
ChiComs hanker for dim sum
Wa-Po loves Cantonese
However you slice it, these scum-bums
Are servin’ standard “progressive” wheeze

[Refrain]
Dressed up as Yellow Jelloâ„¢
(Hard left, hard left, hard left)
Dung Flung in a nutshell-o
(Hard left, hard left, hard left)
Collectivist bordello

[Verse]
Red Star forever to fly
Daily’s veracity’s nil
Board of Editors not shy…
All balance in news they just kill

[Refrain]
They print the Yellow Jelloâ„¢
(Hail Mao, hail Mao, hail Mao)
Predictable bedfellows
(Hail Mao, hail Mao, hail Mao)
In Georgetown, it’ll sell-o

[Verse]
ChiComs’ hatred for Taiwan
Is People’s Daily’s central craze
Wa-Po hates Bush Forty-one
Harmony’s the very next phase

[Refrain]
They’re playin’ Yellow Jelloâ„¢
(Mao duet, Mao duet, Mao duet)
Red violin and cello
(Mao duet, Mao duet, Mao duet)
Their opus has bad smell-o

[Tag, to fade]
They call it Yellow Jelloâ„¢
(Far left, far left, far left)
Awash in Yellow Jelloâ„¢
(Far left, far left, far left)
Commie Yellow Jelloâ„¢

Yellow Jelloâ„¢, Yellow Jelloâ„¢, Yellow Jelloâ„¢….

Posted at Scrappleface by The Great Santini, March 14, 2005.

There. I attributed the fetid wad of doggerel, but please don’t expect me to link to these idjits. Think of all the time that earnest little dweeb spent on his song parody — and the thing still doesn’t scan.

So. Golly whillikers! The Washington Post and Chinese Communists are working hand in glove! Hammer to sickle! Satchel to Page! Librul commie traitor-type that I am, I guess I was pretty spot-on when I chose to base my graphic on a WWII Soviet recruitment poster, nyah-hah-haaaaa [diabolical laughter]!

And now you know the Rest of the Story. ….Good day!

 

Posted: September 25th, 2005 under Curt Almsted, General.
Comments: none

Woke up crying again today. Yesterday afternoon, too, with no apparent trigger I burst into tears.
I’ve been doing this a lot during the past couple of months, and I keep trying to understand why it’s happening. It’s not all or even mostly because of depression or sadness. It’s certainly not all hormonal, or menopausal if you prefer — that 7 -years long period of geological unrest and shifting tectonic plates have past and my body has again settled into harmony with my psyche. I have re-united my inner Gondwanaland. So what’s all the crying about?

Since May of this year I’ve had an unusual abundance in my life of peak emotional moments: events and situations that have elicited excruciating sorrow, extreme frustration, blistering rage, and overwhelming self-pity; and yet during this same timespan there’s been an even greater number of events and outcomes that have brought me immense relief, ecstatic joy, a healing sense of calm, and, at present, an increasing, blissful happiness. A lot of emotional reasons for unlocking the floodgates, so why do I wonder at all the tears?

Why We Cry is an interesting article published (on my birthday) in 2003 by Australia’s The Age. It mentions a recent book on the subject

Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears by Tom Lutz that looks like a must-read.

If you want to get more philosophical about it, Google the question “Do we cry because we’re sad or are we sad because we cry?” and get pointed in the direction of

Looking for Spinoza: Joy, Sorrow and the Feeling Brain by Antonio Damasio. This also looks like an interesting read, but might be one of those books that you need to be extremely stoned in order to fully appreciate.

I’m not going to ponder the crying any further right now. I don’t feel like crying anymore, anyway.

Right now all I know is that it’s Sunday morning, I need more coffee, and I also need to focus my energy on resisting an inner call for pancakes.
No! Evil, Inner Pancake Call, I rebuke you!

(from American Idle)

Posted: September 25th, 2005 under General.
Comments: none

If you haven’t seen the Phil Donahue-Bill O’Reilly dustup yet, go to Crooks and Liars and prepare to see a classic tutorial on how to face down a gibbering demagogue and put him in his place.

Let Mr. Donahue show you how it’s done. Take notes.

Now, of course, Bill is desperately spinning the whole incident in an attempt to deflect us from the knowledge that Donahue wiped the studio floor with O’Reilly’s sorry, cowardly ass.

“I’m not Jeremy Glick, Billy.”

Posted: September 23rd, 2005 under General.
Comments: none

Via Rox.

Going by this [admittedly kinda dumb] quiz, even the cross-dressing buccaneers [see TLAP day post from yesterday] are girlier than me. Tsk.

Posted: September 20th, 2005 under General.
Comments: none

If’n ye don’t know that today is Talk Like A Pirate Day, ye ought ter be keelhauled, ye lubbers!

Pull alongside the good ship Pharyngula, me hearties, and let Cap’n PZ show ye the finest pirattitude ever to sail the Spanish Main. Ye can even switch ter Pirate Mode while ye’re there, but beware the Atrios link and don’t all ye bilge rats go Piratical all at once, or the Pharyngula’ll be sent down to Davy Jones’ Locker for the rest of the day.

The piratical movie ter watch today be The Crimson Pirate, with Burt Lancaster and his scurvy crew of cross-dressing buccaneers.

Arrrrrr!

 

Posted: September 19th, 2005 under General, TLAP day.
Comments: none

The Preznit.

The Preznit’s brother Jeb.

The Preznit’s nephew John.

Oh joy — it’s the latest in the long line of charming Bush boys.

Posted: September 18th, 2005 under General.
Comments: none

He’ll expose you
when he snows you
Off your feet with the crumbs he throws you
He’s ferocious
and he knows just what it takes
to make a pro blush
All the boys think he’s a spy
He’s got Johnny Roberts eyes

Posted: September 17th, 2005 under General.
Comments: none