from “In Memoriam A.H.H.” by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Posted: December 31st, 2005 under General.
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Yay, I got tagged! Here we go:

Four jobs you’ve had in your life: Bookkeeper, Credit Analyst, Bookseller, Hotel Maid

Four movies you could watch over and over: Persuasion (1995), Sullivan’s Travels, The Best Years of Our Lives, The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou

Four places you’ve lived: Minneapolis, St. Peter and Eden Prairie, MN; Phoenix, AZ

Four TV shows you love to watch: Futurama; Countdown w/Keith Olbermann; Daily Show; and… uhh… oh, probably BookTV on C-span

Four places you’ve been on vacation: Montecito, CA; Choteau, MT; Seattle, WA; Climax, MN

Four websites you visit daily: The Sideshow (Avedon Carol); Norwegianity (the Wege); Hullabaloo (Digby); WTF Is It Now? (Maru)

Four of your favorite foods: 1) Paella; 2) what Julia Child called a “tomato sammich” = sliced tomatoes on really good white bread with a little mayo –and no, that does NOT mean Miracle Whip! *shudder*; 3) Shchi (cabbage soup); 4) pistachios

Four places you’d rather be: 1) Cordoba, Spain; 2) Atop a cliff overlooking Lake Superior; 3) A bungalow, preferably one built pre-1940; 4) In bed.

Four albums you can’t live without: Los Super Seven by Los Super Seven; Sail Away by Randy Newman; Gypsy Punks by Gogol Bordello; Gonna Take a Miracle by Laura Nyro and Labelle

Hmmm. Who to tag? Or: whom to tag? I’m thinkin. Will update when I think of a likely sucker tag-ee …

And we have a decision! I tag the Gang of Four (rew, Smartie, cleversponge and MNObserver) at Power Liberal. How about it, kids? Lists from all 4 of you?

Posted: December 29th, 2005 under General.
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I figure: hey, it’s almost a new year, the place could use some fresh paint. Besides, why should the Wege have all the fun?

Posted: December 28th, 2005 under General.
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Scientists Find Cache of Dodo Bird Bones

No complete skeleton of a single Dodo bird had ever been retrieved before from an archaeological site in Mauritius. The last known stuffed bird was destroyed in a 1755 fire at a museum in Oxford, England, leaving only partial skeletons and drawings of the bird.

All of which reminds me: I wonder whatever happened to those ugly chickens the folks down the road used to raise?

Posted: December 26th, 2005 under General.
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By Rosa Brooks, “with apologies to Dr. Seuss.”
Hey Rosa, methinks you have no reason to apologize to Mr. Geisel. Wherever he is, I feel very sure that Dr. Seuss heartily approves of your re-telling!

The Whos down in Who-ville

Were a tolerant lot:

Who Christians, Who Muslims — a Who melting pot.

Who Hindus! Who atheists! Who Buddhists, Who Jews!

Who Confucians, Who pagans,

And even Who Druse!

The Who First Amendment’s Establishment Clause

Said, “No crèches in courts,” and the Whos loved their laws.

Because somehow … they worked. The Whos rarely fought,

Mostly, each Who did just what he ought.

Every Who down in Who-ville

Loved the Consti-Who-tion a lot.

But the O’Reilly, who lived up in Fox-ville,

Did NOT!

The O’Reilly DETESTED the Who Consti-Who-tion,

He thought it was some sort of liberal pollution.

Now, please don’t ask why, for I really don’t know.

Perhaps it had something to do with his show.

It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.

Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his RATINGS

Were two sizes too small.

Well, whatever it was, bad ratings or tight shoes,

He stood there one Christmas, just hating the Whos.

“They’re so multicultural,” he sneered, “and wherever they’re from,

They lack the good sense to just launch a pogrom!

There’s no Who ethnic cleansing, no Who Inquisition,

If this PEACE can’t be stopped, I may lose my position.

Those sensitive, tolerant Whos! It’s quite grating.

I must think of something to fix my show’s ratings!”

Then he said with a smirk, “I know just what to do

To destroy all the joy in the land of the Who!

I think I can end that PC Who peace.

This year, not one Who will enjoy his Roast Beast!

“Here’s just how I’ll do it:

I’ll tell each Who Christian

That the liberal Whos have devised a new mission

To take away Christmas!

To mock and destroy

Till no little Who Christian is left with a toy!

And when secular Whos — most likely Who Jews –

Attempt to deny it? Why,

I’ll just SPIN THE NEWS!

“I’ll bluff and I’ll lie; I’ll sow seeds of mistrust.

Soon they’ll form battle lines into

Who ‘THEM’ and Who ‘US,’

Based on which Whos prefer

To sing out, ‘Merry Christmas’

And which Whos say, ‘Kwanzaa!’

Or ‘None of your business!’

“They’ll get so confused and so MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD

That they won’t even notice the way

They’ve been HAD!

They’ll be so busy squabbling

They won’t notice the war!

They won’t care if Who rich

Start to trample Who poor!

“Forget torture, and terror, and taxes and health!

They’ll waste all their time on some red-hatted elf.

“And the Who Consti-Who-tion?

They’ll stretch it or burn it!

If it came as a gift, they would try to return it!

“The Who Christians will think that they fight the good fight,

They won’t know that they’re puppets of the Fox-ville Far Right.

They’ll forget all that DRIVEL about faith, hope and LOVE

And say ‘Merry Christmas’ with a sneer and a shove.

“But I? I will prosper! My ratings will soar,

And maybe at last they’ll forget I’m a BOOR.

Then for every Who Christmas tree

A most fitting adornament:

My O’Reilly MUG on the tackiest ornament!”

… And what happened then?

Well, the rest’s up to you.

But I know what I’d like this holiday season:

A little less NOISE and a little more reason.

So Who Christians! Who Buddhists! Who Muslims! Who Jews!

WHOever you are, just say NO to Fox “News”!

If you don’t want to lose the whole Who Consti-Who-tion

It’s time to reject the Far Right Revolution.

So turn off O’Reilly and everyone shrill,

Let’s have some peace

And old-fashioned GOODWILL.

Rosa Brooks, an associate professor at the University of Virginia School of Law, wrote this for the Los Angeles Times.

Posted: December 22nd, 2005 under General.
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I used to have a mind like a steel trap. I’m not kidding. From earliest childhood onward I could effortlessly retrieve an amazing lot of things from my memory: Phone numbers. Locker combinations. The complete lyrics to my favorite Mad magazine movie parodies [eg: "East Side Story" -- When you're a Red you're a Red all the way, from your first party purge to your last power play..etc etc]. As recently as 1993 my memory for largely useless details was good enough that I could qualify as a contestant on Jeopardy. [Appeared on 1 show. 2nd place. Missed Final Jeopardy question. List of lovely parting gifts available on request.]

Today, however, is a different story. Today I have a mind like a steel sieve. Last week I forgot my home telephone number. Earlier today I forgot the first name of one of my aunts. Yesterday I forgot the words to “Yesterday”. It’s not a pretty picture.

With everything that needs to be done these days, a list to work from is now mandatory. I gotta have it. Therefore I’ve resurrected my old Tolstoy To-Do List to help get me through the holiday hubbub, and as a public service I’m willing to share. Here you go, kids. Clip ‘n Save:

Posted: December 22nd, 2005 under General.
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It’s been at least 25 years since I first heard of the deal with bus plunges. Don’t remember where I saw the article, about people who collect news items with the term “bus plunge” in the header. My memory wants to say it was in the National Lampoon, way back in its brief funny period.

Apparently the bus plunge meme has been around for so long, and is prevalent enough that it’s got a Wikipedia entry:

Bus plunge:

A bus plunge is a phenomenon in news media, where whenever a passenger bus is involved in a mishap (typically involving injuries or fatalities, but not always), it is almost invariably described as having plunged into whatever it hit, or off of whatever it left. A change in elevation is not required for the term to be applied by a news writer.

On any given day, you can search the news with your favorite news search for “Bus Plunge”, and you will find stories about buses that, well, ‘plunged’ into or off of things.

This is not to say that buses are any more dangerous than other motor vehicles, which crash, slide, bump, fall, roll, careen, plummet, etc. into things so routinely that around 48,000 people are killed and more than three million people are injured in all kinds of motor vehicles every year just in the United States. Buses just seem to be more prone to be described as having plunged than other vehicles.

It’s true about finding bus plunge stories on any given day using the search words “bus plunge”. See?

The bus plunge thing has never been in the forefront of my consciousness for longer than a random moment every decade or so. Imagine, then, my reaction today after reading the following headline in Yahoo News:

Twenty dead in South Africa as bus plunges into river

This is a dreadful news item. Twenty people died. Horrible, just horrible story.
So what is my reaction? You got it: Oh boy! It’s a bus plunge headline!

I am one sick Tild.

Posted: December 17th, 2005 under General.
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Tild, age 2

When you are a blogger for the first time and your little blog gets to the terrible twos stage, it can be hard for both the blogger and the blog. Blogs reach this stage at different ages but mostly when they hit the two year old mark. Some start a little earlier and others a little later and the length they stay in the terrible twos varies as well.

Get advice from friends and family that have already gone through the terrible twos and temper tantums with their blogs. Sometimes advice is good and other times it isn’t but any help through this difficult toddler-blog time for the blogger can be helpful.

Posted: December 13th, 2005 under General.
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Yeah, I thought that’d get your attention.

The next time I go shopping for bras [and I fervently hope that won't happen for another decade or two -- Did I ever mention how much I hate shopping?] I am printing out this post and taping it to my forehead before I leave the house. OK, I’ll probably have to cut eyeholes in it first so I can drive. Imbued with the arcane knowledge contained herein, I will finally, finally be able to walk away from those bras that are really pretty but turn out to be unmitigated crap and a waste of money. Next time I’m definitely going for the Wacoals and the Chantelles. Thank you, Bitch Ph.D.!

Also, click on the image below for more fascinating stuff about bras and girdles through the ages. Come on, you know you want to.

*
*The Department of Homeland Security recently decreed it illegal to board an airplane in the US while wearing one of these.

Posted: December 12th, 2005 under General.
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Just got back home after spending the afternoon crisscrossing the 7-county metro area on an epic shopping expedition. If you knew how much I hate shopping and the lengths to which I will go in order to avoid it, you would even more fully appreciate how excruciating an excursion this was.

Stops included:

Costco: to save .07/gallon on gas for the hideous, unloved and unlovable Exploder.
Unfortunately, even the input of relatively cheap gas from a proud Blue merchant will do nothing to halt the Exploder’s inexorable slide into beaterdom and thence to the junkyard. It can’t happen soon enough for me.

My workplace: to pick up my Curtiss A 20th Annual Lennon Tribute CD which I’d foolishly left there Friday. Imagine there’s no Curt Almsted/I wonder if I can..
Nope, I can’t. Best. Lennon-channelling. Singer. Ever.

Michael’s: for a trunkful of fresh eucalyptus branches and wreaths. I like eucalyptus. I put eucalyptus all over the place at my house, and replace it faithfully every 5 years or so whether it needs it or not. Eat my dust bunnies, Martha Stewart!

Costplus World Market: for several canisters of essential Christmas comestible Nyakers pepparkakor(Swedish gingersnaps), and year-round essential Savon de Marseille Extra Pur Olive Lavande handsoap. Yeah, it’s French. And no snark from any of you Farkers about “freedom fries” or “surrender monkeys”, thank you very much. Those Frogs may be cranky and supercilious, but they sure know how to make a good olive oil soap. Zut alors!

Target: for a dozen needed household items plus a search for one more package of the elusive Philips LED Christmas lights (clear), which is what we need in order to have enough clear LED lights to string across the full length of the roofline on the front of [fabled, secluded, heavily fortified family compound] Tildebunkport. No luck, so we’ve decided to forgo the Xmas lights entirely. Our house exterior will be shamefully, nakedly lightless this holiday season, and that’s quite a scandal in our neck of Eden Prairie. I expect the Lawgivers will soon be arriving at my doorstep, after which I’ll be dragged off to appear before Landru and explain why I am Not Of The Body. Oh, and I just remembered: Scotty can’t beam me up, because he’s dead, Jim. Crap!

Last stop Barnes & Noble: where, as a reward for enduring the tedious rigors of shopping, I bought myself the Paula Fox memoir Borrowed Finery *and* its sequel The Coldest Winter: A Stringer In Liberated Europe. ((Bliss)) Unfortunately, a new bio of dangerously megalomaniacal headcase James Dobson was on prominent display nearby, and the sight of his selfrighteously smarmy viz was nearly enough to cause me to hurl right there in the Biography section. I successfully fought down my rising gorge all the way home, but felt an urgent need to clear my mental palate, so it was a relief to see in my Inbox the latest Q&A from rational, thoughtful, champion of progressive Christianity Bishop John Shelby Spong. And fortuitously, this week Spong holds forth on the very topic of Dobson and his odious ilk.

So without further ado, the latest entry in this blog’s ongoing public service campaign to disseminate the words of rational people of faith — a short but therapeutic Spong essay:

Bishop Spong Q&A On the Growth of the Evangelical Community

SXL from the Internet writes:
“After watching a Tom Brokaw special on the growth of Evangelicals and their huge churches, I am rather appalled that their “love” for humanity does not include homosexuals, people that get abortions or gay and lesbian couples who want to marry! How can people believe in such a narrow minded, limited God? Are they really growing as powerful as they were pictured? ”

Dear SXL,
I think that we have in recent years entered a “New Dark Age” in the Western world. It is marked by the rise of religious systems that seek to build security by encouraging prejudice against a designated victim. Both evangelical fundamentalism and the kind of ultra-conservative Roman Catholicism that is at present installed in the Vatican are publicly defined by their visceral and uninformed hostility toward homosexual persons. What the heretic was in the Middle Ages, the black in the days of slavery and segregation, and the Jew in Nazi Germany, the homosexual has become in the religious hysteria of our day. This kind of behavior is always a response to fear and to a rapidly changing world. Security-providing religion, which always requires a victim, is like a drug that carries us over the rough places of life. It is certainly not the wave of the Christian future.

Protestant ‘mega churches’ are usually built on the charisma of the founding or transforming pastor. These leaders are usually sincere people who, even if they are not well informed, have a flair for showmanship. Life, however whether they like it or not, is not made secure simply by identifying the enemy and claiming the certainty of an infallible Pope or an inerrent Bible. Pain and tragedy invade the lives of even the most self-assured people of faith. The cult of the individual leader also enters a crisis when time forces a change in leadership. Many religious institutions do not make this transition well. Beyond that I think we ought to recognize that truth and unity cannot ever be built on identifying a victim that creates the illusion of unity because there is a common enemy. When these institutions say that God hates the same things that the worshiper hates, everyone should be very suspicious.

Dark Ages do not last forever. Ten years from now this phase of our religious history will surely be over. The contemporary scientific and medical data that suggests that homosexuality is a perfectly normal but minority aspect of our humanity, that it is a given and not a chosen aspect of life, will have challenged these prejudices so deeply as to make them seem not only quaint but ignorant. Remember that less than one hundred years ago we were still persecuting left-handed people as evil, deviant and unnatural. In the meantime I share your enormous embarrassment that the Christian church is today the major voice in the Western World in the persecution of those members of our society whose only ’sin’ is that they were born with a sexual orientation different from the majority. Someday we will be terribly ashamed of the Christian leaders in our generation.

– John Shelby Spong

Ahhh, the voice of reason. I feel better already.

 

Posted: December 10th, 2005 under Curt Almsted, General.
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