Reading the blogs this week — especially since Wednesday — has been tough sledding. Nothing I’ve read in the past four days has caused me to crack a smile until today when I went to Alicublog.
Thanks, Roy — I needed that!
~~~
ST. RUDY: Alright, men, I know you’ve been poisoned by a culture of dependency. For too long you depended on running water, electricity, and civic order. But now those of you who have boots will pull yourselves up by the bootstraps, and those that don’t have boots will wake up and smell the coffee. In fact you’ll all wake up and smell the coffee!
In the absence of water to make actual coffee, ST. RUDY has BERNIE KERIK spray the room with Demeter’s “Fresh Coffee” scent.
ST. RUDY: Today we’re going to sweep the streets! Where’s that kid I sent for brooms?
IRAQI 1: Pardon, oh lisping one, that was my nephew, Achmed. I saw him just now outside the window, dying in a hail of gunfire.
ST. RUDY: Your nephew died a hero, sir. We’ll carve his name into a memorial sometime in 2016. Alright, who wants to go get the brooms?
Nobody moves.
ST. RUDY: Listen, people, those orange jumpsuits aren’t going to pay for themselves! Would you rather sit here all morning and read articles from City Journal out loud?
One man raises his hand.
IRAQI 2: I would be happy to go, sir, if I could have American soldiers to protect me.
ST. RUDY: Soldiers to protect you! I suppose you’d like food stamps, too!
IRAQI 1: (his mouth watering) You have stamps made out of food? Allah be praised!
The Iraqis rush ST. RUDY, who is protected by KERIK and others with tasers.
ST. RUDY: I was wrong about you people! You’re not capable of self-reliance! To hell with you, I’m going to Somalia — I understand a lot of the problems there are caused by black people!
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