From Rob Kall of OpEdNews, a liberal response to a much-circulated bit of conservatard tripe. (No, I won’t link to that version, you’ve probably already gotten it in your work inbox at least once thanks to your office’s friendly dumbass wingnut.)
It’s just the laugh I needed today..
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Famous people explain it for us:
BARACK OBAMA: Now is the time. This is the place. This is the chicken and crossing the road will produce the change this chicken wants.
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, I guarantee, even if it takes 100 years, that chicken will cross the road in victory.
SARAH PALIN: That chicken was crossin’ the road, but you betcha, I got in my state-paid-for helicopter with the first dude’s shotgun and blasted that liberal, godless chicken right off the road.
THE 110th CONGRESS: Do you mean the chicken could actually cross the road and not just sit there doing nothing?
HILLARY CLINTON: I was shot at by snipers while I helped that 58 year old white chicken wearing a pantsuit cross the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: That chicken is part of the axis of evil, but maybe it will stand and pose for a picture with me. No-one else will.
DICK CHENEY: Sorry about shooting the farmer helping the chicken cross the road.
COLIN POWELL: On the left side of the satellite image you can clearly see the mobile kitchen threatening to cook the chicken crossing the road.
ALBERTO GONZALES What chicken? I can’t remember.
BILL CLINTON: I don’t know why that chicken was carrying a cigar while crossing the road.
AL GORE: Due to global warming the chicken was cooked by the time it crossed the road.
TED STEVENS: The chicken crossed the Alaskan road, and the bridge which I funded with benchmarks for $250 million.
DIEBOLD VOTING MACHINE: There were 200 hundred chickens that crossed the road (from the town of 100 chickens) and they were all Republicans
MAINSTREAM MEDIA The chicken crossed the road with Brittany Spears and a missing Siamese twin, and was almost hit by an SUV pursued by police cars, with helicopters transmitting images of the event.
ALTERNATIVE MEDIA: A chicken, funded by big oil, big Pharma and pork barrel legislation promoted by lobbyists, crossed to the right side of the road.
PROTESTERS: We protested the unsafe crossing of the road from our protest cage a mile away.
FOX NEWS: The chicken was obviously a communist chicken. It was red.
DRUDGE REPORT: The chicken shown below was funded by liberal democrats Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.
This liberal chicken crossed the road with $1 million in Democrat Funding .
BILL O’REILLY: The chicken was running from a rapist, but she was a liberal chicken slut, so who cares if the road was a three laner with high traffic. She deserved whatever hit her.
LOU DOBBS: The chicken was an illegal alien chicken running across the road to escape capture by the first brigade soldiers protecting America, in violation of Posse Comitatus, thank GOD.
REPUBLICAN PARTY: That chicken crossed the road without photo ID, making it ineligible to vote or cross the road– and it’s name wasn’t on the chicken registry either, probably because it was a former prisoner.
RONALD REAGAN: First, the people earning over a million a year cross the road, then the big corporations. This will make it easier for the chicken to cross the road and while it’s crossing, the chicken can clean up the trash they left on the road.
A VEGETARIAN: Do you know how many acres of rainforest have to be destroyed for one chicken to cross the road?
JERRY FALWELL: The chicken was run over while crossing the road because it was in a gay marriage and God cursed it.
PETA: Why couldn’t a broccoli cross the road, or some tofu?
DECARTES: The chicken crosses the road, therefore it is.
THE BEATLES: Here comes the chicken. Here comes the chicken. It’s alright… da da da da da da da da da.
NANCY PELOSI: The chicken was off the table, so it crossed the road.
CNN’s WOLF BLITZER: The 12 foot tall chicken crossed the road. That’s what the GOP tells us and we have no reason to ask any questions or doubt it.
BILL GATES: The road has been optimized so the chicken will cross the road faster and more safely if it uses Windows Vista as it’s walking system. If there is a crash, we’ve made it easy to reboot the chicken. We call it MS egg.
WINDOWS VISTA: First make sure that no other animals are on the road. If there are any, start the next day with a clear road. Then, first, be sure the asphalt is within 60-80 degrees Fahrenheit. Then, call traffic control. Confirm that all lanes are clear for two miles. Feed the chicken the following mix of food. Check the chicken’s feet. Yadda Yadda yadda. And then click the right button on the mouse….
APPLE MAC: The chicken crosses the road.
MACHIAVELLI: I helped the chicken cross the road to get its eggs.
DALAI LAMA We must ALL cross the road to be one with the chicken.
MICHAEL JACKSON Look at that cute beak. I wonder if my plastic surgeon could do something like that for me.
JESUS It is easier to thread a camel through the eye of a needle than for a wealthy chicken to cross the road.
WOODY ALLEN: My brother thinks he’s a chicken, so I help him cross the road, for the eggs.
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